


Safety blanket

by moregeous_dumb_dumb



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: and a therapist, he gets none in this fic, lynne bowen a+ parenting, no beta we die like men, no ship tags for now, ricky definitely needs a time out, this fic is a mistake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:20:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27189928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moregeous_dumb_dumb/pseuds/moregeous_dumb_dumb
Summary: To say Ricky was not good at dealing with his feelings, yeah... it would be an understatement.
Kudos: 10





	Safety blanket

**Author's Note:**

> Look, honestly, I have no idea what this is... All I know is it came at me whileI was trying to get some sleep, but then I couldn't because I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I had to write it down... So I wrote this instead of sleeping. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that Ricky suffering isn't very innovative, but this is my take on it... Also, this could have a second and a third chapter, depending on whether you'll like it or not.
> 
> P.S; the title is a work in progress.

When Ricky was little, after waking up from a particularly bad nightmare he’d hide under his covers and wail until one of his parents got into bed with him. Pressed tightly against their chest, snuggling his nose on the crook of their neck, Ricky would let them comfort him until he was ready to go back to sleep. Ricky felt safe knowing, that even after he had fallen asleep they’d stay there, snuggled with him until the morning. 

From the age of four and onwards, Ricky always slept with at least one blanket on his bed. 

When Ricky was in middle school, he would often wake up to one of his parents screaming or banging the front door shut. He would get under the covers then, try to calm himself down, but it never worked. So instead of listening to the angry yelling and the sound of his own, rapidly beating, heart resound in his ears, Ricky would climb out of his window, get on his bike and ride the small distance to Red’s house. After a while, Red stopped asking what was wrong, instead choosing to offer comfort through snacks and YouTube videos. Ricky had appreciated this more than words could ever explain. 

When Ricky was in high school the night-time shouting matches had stopped. Instead he found himself waking up to sniffles and loudly whispered apologies. He’d feel his heart thump loudly inside his ribcage and without bothering with the covers he’d climb out of his window, his skateboard tightly clutched in one hand, the other holding his helmet. Nini had learnt early on in their relationship to never put the latch on her bedroom window. Ricky would always remind her how grateful he was with a kiss a bit more searing than the ones they usually shared. More often than not she would try to talk to him about it, offer her shoulder to cry on and reassure him that everything was going to be better. And Ricky wished he could believe her, but she didn’t really know what she was talking about. Which was okay, Ricky never wanted her to know anyway; he’d never wish that on anyone. 

When he was in his Junior year in high school, Ricky broke up with Nini. His mom moved out of their house and into another one in Chicago. She shared that other house with her new boyfriend, Todd. There weren’t enough blankets in the world for Ricky to hide under and pretend that everything was going to be okay. 

Joining the drama club had been a hail Mary in his attempt to win Nini back. Naturally, that backfired tremendously, when Ricky found himself landing the male lead role, with Nini’s new boyfriend as his understudy. Because, of course that was going to happen. Any hopes Ricky had had about spending some alone time with Nini, even if it was just to rehearse their scenes together, was squashed by EJ’s constant presence. 

Ricky was floundering. Worse than floundering; Ricky was drowning, drifting into the sea and he had no idea how to just stop everything from happening. Why did everything always have to happen? Red was trying to help, he really was, but how could he help when Ricky couldn’t even begin to explain what was going on inside his head? It was too much to expect his friend to understand and Ricky wouldn’t subject him to it. 

So, he pretended like everything was better; like Nini not talking to him didn’t feel like a permanently open wound, like only talking to his mom once a week and over the phone wasn’t slowly driving him insane, like seeing his dad barely functioning didn’t make him feel like he never wanted to leave his bed in return. 

And little by little Ricky got really good at pretending. 

_“You are not the only one with home drama.”_

Until he stopped. 

_“Well, I didn’t need to add to yours.”_

When Ricky had first joined the drama club Gina Porter had seemed intimidating. There was something about her being so flawless at everything she set out to do that made him feel unsettled; Ricky had never been as committed to anything in his life. When Gina cornered him at the skatepark he didn’t know whether to feel amused or moved; he couldn’t quite figure out her motivation, so even though he was certain she was feeding him a load of bullshit, her little speech about ‘outsiders’ solidarity’ tugged at his heart. 

And, well, if winning Nini’s heart wasn’t the sole reason why he didn't drop out of the show, Ricky was the only one to know. 

Ricky didn’t expect to get any more heart-to-heart conversations with Gina, but boy had he been wrong? Because then the dance from hell happened and in the span of two hours, Ricky had not only confronted the younger girl for showing up with Nini’s ex-boyfriend, but went as far as to apologize to her for said confrontation. Which only led to him driving her home, crazy, right? And during that drive the earth shifted once more into its axis, propelling Ricky forward with the motion; and then the next day, somehow, Gina was friend. Who would’ve thought that Gina Porter could be so easy to talk to? Certainly not Ricky Bowen. 

So, they talked and they talked and then they talked some more. Suddenly, Ricky found himself daily soughing out her company. They talked when they were at school, when they were rehearsing, on the phone, before going to bed. There was a constant flow of communication, one outsider looking out for the other, one child of a broken family reaching out to the other. For the first time in a while Ricky didn’t feel the need to sleep with a blanket. 

It was the day before Thanksgiving’s weekend and they were heading towards the drama department for rehearsal,

“Sometimes, I wish I could slow time down.” 

“Like a super-power?” Gina asked, wiggling the fingers of her left and squinting her eyes, cheekily. Ricky rolled his eyes. 

“Exactly like a super-power, Gi,” he deadpanned. He was rewarded with a rare giggle and felt the corners of his lips twitching upwards. 

“No, I know what you mean,” Gina said, once she had settled down. “But time is no one's friend, Bowen.” 

Time, Ricky knew for a fact, was definitely not his friend. By the end of the following night Gina had informed him she had to move to New York and Todd had answered the phone all three times he tried to call his mother to wish her a happy holiday. It hadn't been long after coming back from Ashlyn’s house, when his father walked in on him hyperventilating under the duvet in his parents’ bedroom. He held him close, arms tightly wrapping around Ricky’s shaking form until the tremors subsided and Ricky could finally cry. It was well after midnight, his father fast asleep next to him, when Ricky crawled out of the room, phone in hand and heart at throat. 

_“Mom,” he whispered, when she picked up at the first ring; “Mom, I miss you so much.”_

For the next few days Gina wasn’t answering his texts. She was either screening them or she was too busy to respond, Ricky didn’t know. And then Miss Jenn informed them that Gina wouldn’t be there for opening night and right where he was standing, Ricky swore he felt the floor slipping from underneath his feet. He hoped he had at least a couple of weeks before he had to say goodbye. But time wasn’t Ricky’s friend. On his way home he stopped by her house. It looked empty, no lights inside, no car on the driveway. Had she already left? Ricky checked his phone, but there were no notifications. He kicked at the gravels as he walked closer to the house, discreetly looking through the window; still, no sign of life. Ricky swallowed past the lump rising in his throat. He felt his eyes prickling and he swiftly turned around heading for his car and driving off without looking back. 

* * *

When Ricky was four years old another boy had pushed him off the swings. Ricky had fallen forward, instinctively extending his limbs to brace himself for the impact. He started crying well before seeing the blood pulling on the long gush that appeared just underneath his knee. His mom wiped his tears away with her thumbs, clearing his wound with a handkerchief and some water. Ricky winced in pain, a new batch of tears gathering in his eyes, 

_“Oh, honey, don’t cry,” she cooed, cupping his cheeks in her palms, “Big boys, like you, don’t cry,” she continued, dropping a kiss on the top of his nose._

When Ricky was nine, he came back from school one day with his right cheek swollen. His father immediately jumped up, rushing over to him and taking a hold of his chin to get a better look at his face. His father’s eyes were filled with worry as he asked him what happened and Ricky could feel his own eyes tearing up as he began to explain that he’d gotten in a fight with a kid from an older class because they’d made fun of Big Red, 

“ _Honey, are you sure, you are alright?” his father asked and Ricky was about to speak, but then his mother came out of the kitchen._

“ _Oh, my big, brave boy,” she said, kneeling next to his father. Her eyes sheare his concerned look, but unlike his dad she was smiling; You are such a good friend to Red, baby, and look, Mike, he is not even crying!”_

When Ricky was twelve, he got in a huge fight with Nini. When he arrived home that day he’d ran straight to his bedroom, loudly banging the door behind him. He fell into his bed, hiding his face into his pillow and he screamed. He couldn’t even remember what their fight was about, but Nini had said she never wanted to talk to him again. Ricky was in the process of trying to smother himself with his pillow, when he heard the soft knock on his door, 

_“No!” he yelled, but it got muffled by the pillow. Despite his protest, the door to his bedroom cracked open, revealing his mom, “Just go away!”_

_“Richard,” she said, voice all serious. Ricky lifted the corner of the pillow, peering at her, “What have I told you about banging your door?”_

_“Mom,” Ricky moaned, pressing the pillow harder against his face, “Just leave me alone!” he yelled, but once again it came out distorted, due to the pillow covering his mouth._

_“Richard, what is this behavior?” his mom asked, fully entering the room now. Ricky groaned._

_“I had a fight with Neens,” he said, never lifting the pillow. “Stop calling me Richard.”_

_“You had a fight with Nini,” his mother repeated, to which he groaned, “And that’s why you are behaving like a child?” Ricky decided to remain mute. “Honey,” his mother’s voice softened and she took a sit on his bed, “Friends fight all the time,” she said, plucking the pillow from his hands, “I’m sure it’s nothing serious.”_

_“But she said-”_

_“She will get over it, Ricky and so will you.”_

When Ricky was a sophomore, Nini told him that she loved him, via ab instagram post. She’d written a song and everything! And she had added a collage of photos with the two of them! Which, upon seeing, Ricky had jumped off the bed and started pacing the small space of her room. He could feel her eyes glued on him, her confusion quite palpable. Ricky couldn’t match her gaze. His heart was racing and every time he tried to form the words she wanted to hear, they just died before making it past his lips. Ricky felt like throwing up. 

But instead he word-vomited _“I think we should take a break”_ like he was a _Friends_ reran. And then he’d practically ran out of her room, out of her house, out of her life, with some lame excuse about his mother calling him. Which wasn’t actually neither lame nor an excuse, but that’s what it had felt like at the moment. 

To say Ricky was not good at dealing with his feelings, yeah... it would be an understatement. 

Opening night went by in a blur, it had him struggling to catch his breath. All around him there were people congratulating him, big smiles on their faces and kind words coming out of their mouths. Ricky saw the rest of the cast talk and laugh and buzz all around him, but it was like someone had sucked all the air out of the room and he couldn’t hear anything. 

Everything was _wrong, wrong, wrong_... Ricky kept smiling. 

Three things distinctively stuck out to him; 

Number one, Gina was back. 

Number two, his mom had brought Todd as her plus one. 

Number three, he finally told Nini everything she wanted to hear. 

Ricky needed a minute, just one minute to recollect his thoughts. To try and find his footing. To stop his mind from screaming; _wrong, wrong, wrong..._ He flexed his fingers, pressing his hands together, with enough pressure to make it hurt. He swallowed a hiss, revealing at surge of control he felt ran through him. But it wasn’t enough, _not enough, not enough..._ Ricky needed to breathe. 

“Excuse me,” he mumbled, pushing past people to get to the door. Nini looked at him worried and he mouthed _I’m fine_ , over his shoulder, before stepping out into the cool air. 

The complete difference in temperature immediately made him feel better. Ricky’s head rolled backwards and he drew in a deep breath, holding it for four heartbeats before exhaling. He repeated it a couple of times, all the while shaking his arms to get rid of any excessive energy. The back of his eyes burned and Ricky blinked rapidly as he tried to figure out what was exactly bothering him. 

_Everything_

Ricky liked to play dumb sometimes, mostly because it was fun, but he knew that if he wanted, he could be very perceptive. Like, for example, at this particular moment he knew he was on the verge of a complete mental breakdown, the emotional wave of everything that had happened in the last four months of his life finally catching up to him. Yeah, intellectually he knew that, but still that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to refuse it until he was blue in the face. 

Ricky wasn’t dumb, but he wasn’t ready to be smart either. 

“Hey,” a soft voice said behind him and Ricky internally groaned. “Are you trying to turn into a snowman, or...?” Gina trailed off, quirking an eyebrow. 

“Why, you think I wouldn’t be able to pull it off?” he asked tilting his head on the side. Gina laughed a hearty laugh and he noticed then her hands coming up to rub at her arms. He was half ready to take off his coat and hand it to her, when he remembered he wasn’t wearing one. 

_Oh_

“Seriously though, Gina, it’s really good to have you back,” he said. A shy smile played at her lips and Gina broke her gaze away, her hair falling forward to hide half of her face from him. “Is it permanent?” he couldn't stop himself from asking. 

“Yeah,” Gina all but whispered, looking at him from under her long lashes; “I’ll be staying at Ashlyn’s; her mother called my mother...” Gina trailed of, waving her hand. 

_Wrong, wrong, wrong_

“I wish-” Ricky had no idea how he’d finish that sentence, but Gina – _sweet, amazing, Gina-_ came to his rescue. 

“No, Ricky,” she cut him off, not rudely but with enough of understanding in her voice, “We are good.”   
  
Ricky couldn’t help looking at her hopefully. 

“We still get each other?” 

Gina smiled, even if it didn’t reach all the way to her eyes. 

“We still get each other,” she confirmed. “Are you coming to Ashlyn’s after?” she asked then, pausing as she pushed to open the door to the gymnasium. 

“Ugh, no; I gotta do this thing with my mom,” he lied and he knew she could tell, but Gina didn’t press. 

“Okay, see you after the Christmas’ break, Bowen,” she said, smiling around his last name. 

“See ya, Gi.” 

Opening night went by in a blur, it had him struggling to catch his breath. Three things distinctively stuck out to him; 

Number one, Gina was back. _But everything was different._

Number two, his mom had brought Todd as her plus one. _And they would be staying at Salt Lake City so he’d get a chance to meet Ricky._

Number three, he finally told Nini everything she wanted to hear. _But not everything he wanted to say._

That night Ricky didn’t go to Ashlyn’s to celebrate with his friends. Nini asked him if everything was alright and he lied with a perfect smile on his face, giving her the same lie about having to do something with his mom. Nini believed him just as much as Gina had. Ricky kissed her, promising to make it up to her the next day. 

That night Ricky left the school with his parents and Todd. His mom was really excited about grabbing an early dinner, but Ricky faked a headache and got into his father’s car before she got a chance to question him. He saw the conversation between his parents building up and prepared himself for the worst, which thankfully never came. His mom relented, arms thrown in the air as she backed towards her car, Todd following suit. His phone buzzed a second later, 

“Good night, honey, I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Much love.” 

That night Ricky asked his father for an extra blanket, claiming to be cold. His father gave him one, pretending to believe him. 


End file.
